I Don’t Want To Be An Ojakgyo

Countless wine-colored memory lamps were tangled amongst each other. Wine-colored memories meant that the person was absolutely miserable, so desperate that they wanted to die. Swanhaden knew that Shuraina grew up in a good home with a happy family, and frowned.

He was stunned that Shuraina had such deep mental hurts, and spread his powers towards the tangle of wine-colored memories.

That moment, Swanhaden's powers slightly touched the memories of her past life and the pain that came with them.

Swanhaden briefly saw the black-haired girl with a mole under her eye, then watched as she disappeared. Shuraina's pain from her past immediately shoved him and his powers away, but he read her pain for a brief moment.

"……"

Swanhaden stood still, mouth agape. He couldn't read Shuraina's past properly, but the emotions had pressed deeply into his psyche as well. Swanhaden frowned as he felt the emotions that Shuraina had felt. What had happened to her, for her feel like this?

He wanted to look at Shuraina's memories in more detail, but soon gave up. If he poked at the memories in an attempt to treat the damage, there was a chance that it would only make it worse.

Swanhaden tucked Shuraina's hair back as he watched her breathe evenly. He had used multiple heals on her, so all of her injuries had disappeared from her body.

Swanhaden knew that Shuraina was just asleep, but he was so nervous that he felt like his skin was crawling. He couldn't forget how much pain Shuraina was in earlier. His mind had gone blank, and his heart felt like exploding from despair and anxiousness when he saw her dyed red with blood.

Until she was fully recovered, Shuraina ended up staying at the duke's residence. the Blanche family's residence was large compared to the number of people living in it: the entire estate was full of empty rooms.

Once Swanhaden promised to become the next heir, Yulinelle told those in charge of educating the heir so that they could remove his chains. He dutifully took his heir classes and immediately headed to the room Shuraina was in once he was finished for the day.

Thanks to Shuraina, Swan's healing abilities had increased and he was able to heal pretty quickly from deathly injuries now. It was still definitely painful, but Swanhaden now didn't care about his own pain.

Swanhaden continued to stay nervous when he looked at the still-unconscious Shuraina. He came every day and poured every healing spell he had into her, but Shuraina didn't budge.

Even Yulinelle, the duke who was constantly chased by work and overtime, visited Shuraina a few times. He didn't have a choice, especially when Swanhaden nagged him constantly about how she wasn't waking up. He had to check on her just in case.

"I said she's okay."

Yulinelle told Swanhaden after he checked on Shuraina.

"Then why isn't she waking up?"

"Probably because you're making her feel uncomfortable.'

Yulinelle scowled at Swanhaden, who was constantly by Shuraina's side.

Swanhaden was deeply into Shuraina. He was young so it probably wasn't romantic, but that child was completely head over heels. Yulinelle had no idea that a kid like that would come out from his family line, so he was in a bit of shock.

The Blanche family members were famous for being devoid of love. There was no love between parents and children, and no love between spouses, too. None of the Blanche family members were sane enough to have any sense of affection towards others. Because of that, Yulinelle watched Swanhaden's strange, unfamiliar actions with wariness.

Yulinelle was just about to rush out of the room before stopping. He turned his head to look at Swanhaden before speaking.

"I've heard from the keeper that your natural healing magic has already gotten to the next stage. If you rot in your room for a few more months, you'll be done with stage 1?"

"….."

"I barely got out of the room when I was sixteen. Lucky bastard."

"Blame yourself. You're the one that's as flimsy as a dried fish."

"Hmph, you're the weird one here. There wasn't anyone quite like you in the preceding list of Blanche assholes before us."

A light, almost cheap conversation went between the two. Yulinelle felt strange, having a conversation with his own son. It felt like they were breaking a sacred rule. It had been a fact of life that fathers and sons were mortal enemies within the Blanche family.

"If you get out of the room and make a pilgrimage, you fulfill all of the qualifications to become the duke. You know that, right?"

"Pilgrimage? You mean going around a war zone and healing people?"

"Yes. If it was a normal pilgrimage, it would take ten years or longer, but you should be able to finish it in two to three years."

Yulinelle said, glaring at Swanhaden. Thinking about it, he was incredibly blessed. When he had finished his pilgrimage and had become the duke, he was already in his mid-20's.

"If you come back quickly, I'll send you to the academy that child is going to or wherever the hell you want, so hurry and take the dukedom away from me."

Kill me as soon as you can so I can escape working overtime, Yulinelle continued to mutter.

Swanhaden held Shuraina's hand tightly in his own and stared at Yulinelle as he prepared to leave.

"I've always been curious, but why did you take me to the West estate? Normally, heirs are stuck inside their rooms, right? And I've been told that you're the one that added swordsmanship classes in my schedule, too."

"I killed the previous Blanche duke by disintegrating his body. That bastard locked me in the room and didn't let me out once, and even participated in my healing classes himself. All throughout my childhood."

"So?"

"I was hoping that you'd kill me with a bit more mercy if I gave you the chance for some fresh air. I taught you swordsmanship so when you killed me, it'd be one clean swipe."

"Wow, you total weakling."

Swanhaden looked at Yulinelle with a mocking gaze.

Thanks to Swan's nursing, Shuraina was soon able to gain consciousness. When Shuraina woke up, she didn't remember any of the times she spent with him. Swan smiled bitterly as he looked at Shuraina's wary gaze, just like the look she gave him when they first met.

He put Shuraina back to sleep and took her to her room. Then, as a farewell, he placed a light kiss on her forehead.

After that, Swan was locked back in his room and tried his best to raise his natural healing abilities. Then, he immediately headed off for his pilgrimage. He had no time to meet Shuraina.

Swanhaden thought of Shuraina, his only friend and the only one who tried to share his pain, whenever he had a difficult time. When people demanded treatment from him, he hated each and every single disgusting, selfish human. Now, now that he knew that there was at least a single person out there who truly cared, understood, and accepted him, his disgust towards them decreased.

And like that, he bore the pain of treating others in the brink of pain on the battlefield. If he wanted to meet Shuraina sooner, he needed to hurt more, be in pain more than now.

Swanhaden grit his teeth through the pain, time and time again, and waited for the opportunity to proudly meet Shuraina once again.

Once Shuraina's memories of him disappeared, Swanhaden missed Shuraina a lot. He wanted to give up and take Shuraina and run, but he knew that the end would be miserable for them both if that plan came to fruition.

Now, he hated the loneliness of it more than the pain. Whenever his pain-filled classes were over, he headed over to the duke Yulinelle. Because of Shuraina, they had begun to talk more often and now spoke to each other fairly often. Whenever Swanhaden was lonely and began to miss Shuraina, he tried to assuage that feeling by talking to the duke. The angrier he made the duke, the more stress he relieved.

"Your brains aged like milk, huh? How could you lose to a nine-year-old?"

Swanhaden, still covered in blood, was playing a card game that Shuraina had taught him. He struggled to hold the card properly at first but soon recovered in a few minutes.

Swanhaden was learning about morals and ethics recently. When he met Shuraina once again, he wanted to plant an image that he was an amazing, moral gentleman The book talked about respecting elders, so Swanhaden began to speak formally to Yulinelle. Yulinelle was wary and suspicious at first, but soon let it be.

Yulinelle tousled his hair on anger as he lost the nth card game to Swanhaden once more.

"Eugh, again!"

"What about paperwork?"

"I don't know, I'll work overtime! I won't sleep!"

Yulinelle was learning games from Swanhaden. Yulinelle also grew up without any games or hobbies, after all. Yulinelle was absolutely hooked by the various types of games and the excitement that they brought. Paperwork had always been on the back burner for him, but now it was even further back after he learned about games.

Yulinelle scowled at the tower of paperwork in front of him, but winning against his son was more important.

"But you learned all of this with that child of the earl?"

"Yeah, well."

"She's probably better than you, then."

"Not really. Shushu's really smart, but she's also pretty innocent, so she can't beat me."

"Hooh, then if I go against the child, who would win?"

The two continued their conversation as they played. At Yulinelle's question, Swanhaden flamboyantly showed his hand and, after wiping the floor clean with Yulinelle, opened his mouth.

"I'd win as I walked beside you both."

Yulinelle scowled at his nth loss.

"Hey, you, again! Aaaaagh! I'm not going to be able to focus on my work because of you!"

"You never focused on it to begin with."

Once he started to get a bit drowsy, Swanhaden collected his card deck and stood from his seat.

Yulinelle begged for one more sound, but Swanhaden pointed at the mountain of paperwork and sneered mockingly.

Swanhaden always entered the office as a bloody mess, but exited the office pristine.

Swanhaden just raided Yulinelle's closet for clean clothes and just changed into them without a care.

Yulinelle was gobsmacked at Swan's unreasonable behavior at first, but now he just let it be. Actually, he had brought in some clean clothes that were around Swan's size for him to wear.

Yulinelle looked at Swanhaden who was getting ready to head out, before speaking.

"Swan, do you have any thoughts about going to other nobles' parties?"

"What?"

"Do you have any thoughts about meeting other nobles your age."

"Shuraina?"

"No, why do you always go on and on about Shuraina? No, others like the prince, or the DuBois kid across the street. Kids like them."

Swanhaden frowned at Yulinelle's words. He was already kind of surprised that he was allowed out of his room, but it was kind of unfamiliar and shocking to hear that Yulinelle was ready to expose him to the rest of the world like that.

"You've gone crazy because of work………."

Swanhaden looked worried as he stared point blank at him. Yulinelle ignored Swanhaden's reaction and continued speaking.

"I got an invitation from the royal palace that they're having a party for high-class nobles. You're going to meet these children when you go to the academy anyway, so wouldn't it be nice to know their faces?"

"Is Shuraina going?"

"No she's not. They're only allowing those who reside in the capital and those who members of the marquis family and higher."

At the news that Shuraina wouldn't be attending, Swanhaden's interest in the party faded quickly. But it sounded better than being stuck in the room, so he decided to attend.

Before Swanhaden returned to his room, Swanhaden told Yulinelle to work hard, made him a cup of coffee, and opened the room to head out.