Reincarnated as the Villainess’s Unlucky Bodyguard

"The feeling is mutual," I muttered as I shoved Ananara under my arm like a particularly sassy loaf of bread and glanced around the darkened corridor ahead. The eerie glow of the dungeon walls pulsed faintly, casting distorted shadows that made the jagged stones look like monstrous teeth.

[Progress Report: One room cleared, thirty-nine to go.]

"Thirty-nine?" I groaned, nearly dropping Ananara. "This is going to take forever."

[Not if you pick up the pace. Unless, of course, you're aiming for the 'Longest Dungeon Crawl in History' award.]

Ananara, muffled but still audible from his undignified position, chimed in. "Perhaps if you listened to my wisdom, this endeavor wouldn't feel like a slog."

"You're the one who rolled into a corner during the last fight!" I shot back. "What wisdom are you offering, exactly? How to be decorative?"

"Decorative?!" Ananara screeched, his leaves flaring dramatically. "I am not some mundane centerpiece! I am a tactician without equal!"

"Oh yeah? Then what's your brilliant plan for this next room, oh great pineapple tactician?" I gestured dramatically to the looming doorway ahead, which oozed a faint, ominous red glow.

Ananara cleared his nonexistent throat. "Simple. You go in first."

I let out a long, exaggerated sigh. "Thanks for the groundbreaking strategy."

The door creaked open as I pushed it, revealing a room that was thankfully larger than the last one. Unfortunately, it was also filled with what looked like sentient vines slithering across the floor and walls. At the center stood a large plant-like creature with gnashing teeth and glowing eyes.

[Enemy Type: Vicious Vine Cluster

Level: 6

Stats:

Health: 500

Attack: 35

Defense: 20

Special Ability: Entangle]

"Oh great, more gardening," I muttered, drawing my sword.

The vines immediately reacted, slithering toward me with unsettling speed.

"Cut them down quickly!" Ananara yelled from under my arm. "Do not let them overwhelm you!"

"Wow, thank you for stating the obvious," I said, slashing at the nearest vine. My blade sliced cleanly through, but two more sprang up to replace it.

[Pro tip: Go for the core. The big, angry one in the middle.]

"Yeah, I figured that out," I snapped, darting toward the main plant while dodging the snapping vines.

One wrapped around my ankle, yanking me off balance. I fell with a loud thud that sent Ananara rolling across the room.

"I knew you'd fail!" he shouted dramatically as he came to a stop against the wall.

"Shut up and be useful!" I yelled, hacking at the vine around my leg.

"No powers, remember? But I'm cheering for you... in spirit."

"You're the worst," I muttered, finally freeing myself and scrambling back to my feet.

The core plant lunged at me with its thorny appendages, but I sidestepped, slicing one off with a clean arc of my sword. Fire magic flared at my fingertips as I launched an Ember Swipe directly at its bulbous center. The flames ignited, causing the plant to shriek and writhe.

[Critical hit! Vicious Vine Cluster: 200/500 HP remaining.]

"Almost there," I muttered, summoning another Ember Swipe.

The plant lashed out again, catching me in the side and knocking the wind out of me. My health bar dipped slightly.

[Health: 1650/1700]

"Oh no, you've been scratched," Ananara said dryly. "Do you need me to call a healer?"n/o/vel/b//in dot c//om

"Do you need me to throw you into the core?" I shot back, launching another fiery blast. The core erupted in flames, withering into ash. The remaining vines fell limp and disintegrated into sparkling motes of light.

[Victory! +50 EXP.]

[You've received: Torn Gardening Gloves.]

I held up the reward, staring at the hole-ridden gloves. "Are you kidding me? This is useless!"

"You're being ungrateful," Ananara scolded. "At least you're properly accessorized for your pathetic gardening endeavors now."

"Want me to test their durability by strangling you with them?"

"Violence won't solve your incompetence."

I stuffed the gloves into my inventory with a huff and moved toward the next door. "Let's just keep going before I lose my mind."

The next room was smaller, its walls lined with pulsating, glowing crystals that hummed faintly. As I stepped inside, the temperature dropped, and a chilling mist filled the air.

[Enemy Type: Frost Wisps

Level: 7

Stats:

Health: 300

Attack: 25

Defense: 15

Special Ability: Frostbite]

"Floating snowflakes?" I said, eyeing the shimmering, translucent creatures.

"Do not underestimate them!" Ananara warned. "They may look harmless, but so do I."

"You're right. They look about as dangerous as you."

The Frost Wisps swirled together, forming an icy vortex that shot shards of ice toward me. I dodged, but a few grazed my arm, leaving a chilling sting.

[Health: 1625/1700]

"Time for some fireworks," I said, summoning a Fireball. The glowing orb of flame hovered above my hand before I launched it into the cluster of Wisps. It exploded on impact, shattering two of them instantly.

[+20 EXP.]

The remaining Wisps retaliated, darting toward me with sharp icicle spears. I deflected them with my sword, then spun into a Blade Mastery attack, slicing through the rest in one fluid motion.

[+40 EXP.]

[You've received: Melted Ice Cube.]

I stared at the dripping puddle in my hand. "Are these rewards a prank?"

"It suits you," Ananara said. "Symbolic of your hot-headed incompetence."

"Keep talking, and I'll find a way to use this puddle to drown you," I snapped, tossing the cube aside.

As I pushed open the next door, I paused, glancing down at Ananara. "Think we'll survive the next room without wanting to kill each other?"

"Unlikely," he replied cheerfully.

"Figured."

I muttered, gripping my sword tighter as the door creaked open to reveal yet another ominous chamber.

This room was dimly lit, the air thick with a musky scent that reminded me of damp earth. The walls were lined with faintly glowing mushrooms, their eerie blue light casting long shadows across the uneven floor. In the center of the room stood a squat, hulking creature covered in a shell of fungus, its glowing eyes fixed on us.

[Enemy Type: Fungal Golem

Level: 8

Stats:

Health: 700

Attack: 45

Defense: 30

Special Ability: Spore Cloud]

"Perfect," I muttered. "A giant mold monster. This dungeon just gets better and better."

"You might want to watch your breathing," Ananara warned from under my arm. "If it releases spores, you could end up hallucinating or worse."

"Oh, great," I said, rolling my eyes. "Just what I needed: a psychedelic death trip."

The Fungal Golem let out a low rumble, releasing a burst of spores into the air. The mist spread quickly, its sickly green hue swirling ominously.

"See? I told you!" Ananara crowed.

"Less commentary, more staying quiet while I handle this," I snapped, lunging forward to strike.

"You're welcome to let me handle it!" he added sarcastically.